Today I heard a very helpful presentation on the subject of reconciliation. The speaker briefly discussed three different terms and what might be the differences between them. Conflict Resolution might only deal with a specific conflict and make it go away. Conflict Management might accept conflict as normal and simply aim to learn from the conflict and keep it from the negative result of relationship conflict.
Conflict Transformation was what we were encouraged to aim for. Here we recognize that conflict in human relationships is normal and that we aim for change and improvement to result from the conflict. We should focus on the journey and how we can gain from the experience of this conflict.
How great would it be if whenever we bumped into conflict we had the transformation attitude: what can I learn, how can I grow through this? (And at the same time, as believers, we also were thinking: how can I help the one(s) with whom I am in conflict be transformed through this?)
Of course the natural approach is: how can I convince them I am right; how can I win; how can I get my way? I want to transform you by making you agree with me. This of course tends to escalate the conflict. If I do win, it does not usually bring reconciliation nor does it bring real transformation.
We all like the idea of aiming for "win/win" rather that "I win, you lose". But how much better than "win/win" if we had the goal of transformation; of growth and development when we next found ourselves in a conflict situation?
If we are growing in Christ, we probably have this attitude sometimes. However I think it needs to become more intentional in my own life. I need to think transformation for you and for myself the next time we "bump heads". With this attitude I will still disagree with you - perhaps quite strongly. But I will want to listen better; identify with your view more empathetically and bump heads much more gently.
The apostle Paul didn't use the term Transformational Conflict but I'll bet he had the concept when he wrote Philippians.
Conflict Transformation was what we were encouraged to aim for. Here we recognize that conflict in human relationships is normal and that we aim for change and improvement to result from the conflict. We should focus on the journey and how we can gain from the experience of this conflict.
How great would it be if whenever we bumped into conflict we had the transformation attitude: what can I learn, how can I grow through this? (And at the same time, as believers, we also were thinking: how can I help the one(s) with whom I am in conflict be transformed through this?)
Of course the natural approach is: how can I convince them I am right; how can I win; how can I get my way? I want to transform you by making you agree with me. This of course tends to escalate the conflict. If I do win, it does not usually bring reconciliation nor does it bring real transformation.
We all like the idea of aiming for "win/win" rather that "I win, you lose". But how much better than "win/win" if we had the goal of transformation; of growth and development when we next found ourselves in a conflict situation?
If we are growing in Christ, we probably have this attitude sometimes. However I think it needs to become more intentional in my own life. I need to think transformation for you and for myself the next time we "bump heads". With this attitude I will still disagree with you - perhaps quite strongly. But I will want to listen better; identify with your view more empathetically and bump heads much more gently.
The apostle Paul didn't use the term Transformational Conflict but I'll bet he had the concept when he wrote Philippians.
"Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had." Phil. 2:3 - 5
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